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Toddlers Are A Holes

Author : Bunmi Laditan
ISBN : 9780761185758
Genre : Humor
File Size : 22. 26 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.

Toddlers Are A Holes

Author : Bunmi Laditan
ISBN : 9780761185642
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 36. 66 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
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Presents a humorous guide to raising a toddler, covering such topics as feeding, potty-training, tantrums, managing the holidays, and "how not to die inside." --Publisher's description.

Toddlers Are A Holes

Author : Sopha King Tyerd
ISBN : 0990592898
Genre :
File Size : 74. 20 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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Toddler A**holery is a normal part of human development. It's like puberty but focuses mainly on throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. Reader, never ever blame yourself for your toddler being an a**hole to you. Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There's a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it's because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, "I'm a little $hit and they couldn't take it anymore." Hide in the bathroom and read this hilarious, satirical guide for instant comic relief from cutting toast into perfect triangles.

Confessions Of A Domestic Failure

Author : Bunmi Laditan
ISBN : 9781474069373
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 35. 26 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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Sh Tty Mum

Author : Mary Ann Zoellner
ISBN : 9781444755213
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 85. 2 MB
Format : PDF
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Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.

I Heart My Little A Holes

Author : Karen Alpert
ISBN : 9780062341617
Genre : Humor
File Size : 61. 2 MB
Format : PDF
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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Reasons My Kid Is Crying

Author : Greg Pembroke
ISBN : 9780804139847
Genre : Humor
File Size : 67. 19 MB
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A glimpse into the tribulations of parenting that is part documentary, part therapy, and completely hilarious. It all started when busy father Greg Pembroke posted a few pictures online of his three-year-old son, mid-tantrum, alongside the reason his son was crying: He had broken his bit of cheese in half. In Reasons My Kid is Crying, Greg collects together photos sent from parents around the world, documenting the many, completely logical reasons why small children cry. Among them: “I let him play on the grass” . . . “He ran out of toys to throw into his pool” . . . “The neighbor’s dog isn’t outside”. The result is both an affectionate portrait of the universal, baffling logic of toddlers—and a reminder for burned-out parents everywhere that they are not alone.

Three Year Olds Are A Holes

Author : Sarah Fader
ISBN : 1620157144
Genre : Humor
File Size : 37. 34 MB
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Once upon a time Sarah Fader wrote a blog post called 3-Year-Olds Are Assholes. It went viral on HuffPost Parents with over 400,000 shares on Facebook. This book tells the story of three-year-old Samantha, who is determined to make a rainbow. It features illustrations by Shari Ryan.

Go The Fuck To Sleep

Author : Adam Mansbach
ISBN : 9780857862662
Genre : Humor
File Size : 68. 13 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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Go the Fuck to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate and refreshingly honest, it captures the familiar and unspoken tribulations of putting your child to bed for the night. Colourfully illustrated and hilariously funny, this is a breath of fresh air for parents new, old, and expectant*. (*You should probably not read this to your children.)

Knock Knock How To Traumatize Your Children

Author : Knock Knock (Firm)
ISBN : 1601063091
Genre : Humor
File Size : 51. 79 MB
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